Marrying Today June 4, 2009
Posted by Damon Taylor in Politics of Weddings, Relationships.Tags: divorce, marriage, Relationships
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In the past, marriage was an occasion in which people would hold in high regard. The decision to marry was not one that was made lightly, and if couples did marry, the marriage would remain intact, despite how one or both the partners may have felt. Divorce was considered a no go zone, and those who considered divorce, were greatly frowned upon in society.
As we all know, time has evolved and whilst marriage is still perceived to be an important milestone in our life, the concept of ‘forever’ no longer applies. Today, divorce rates are soaring, and the length of time in which couples stay married for has declined significantly.
We can attribute the social understanding of marriage to be influenced by the media, by the celebrity marriages we see one day, followed by divorce the next. Whilst the media plays a strong role, it is not the primary factor that has led to the change the way marriage now plays out.
In examining the concept of and understanding marriage, it is notable that the idea of marriage has not changed significantly, however the reasons for why people marry have. Many of us understand marriage to be the expression of long term commitment and love between two people. We marry the person we love because we want to commit to them forever, to share our life, hopes and dreams with them. We all know what marriage means, and the significance of being in a married relationship. What may people are having difficulties with however, is determining when someone is right, or when the right time is to get married.
Often we see many young couples running off down the aisle without a second thought to what it means to be married. Young people especially, who have limited life experiences are often being overwhelmed with the feelings of love, or first time relationships. What many young couples fail to realize, is that for all of us, we all experience the ‘honeymoon’ phase of a relationship. We enjoy the company of the other person, and we fail to see the negatives. Love becomes literally blind. It’s not until some time later, that we start to see the person for who they truly are, or we learn about their history and decide that they may not be the right person for us. Unfortunately, in some cases, couples who have been together for six months, or even a year, run down the aisle without really getting to know the other person. After being married, they slowly learn about their other half, and start to realize that perhaps they have made a mistake.
Peter and Susie (names have been changed) provide a great example of this. Both were happy and outgoing, and loved socializing and as a result got on really well. The friendship evolved into a relationship, and after a year of having fun and partying, they decided they were perfect for one another and married. Throughout the relationship, Susie would every now and then have a niggling feeling that something about Peter wasn’t right, but being in love, she was able to easily discard these thoughts and put them at the back of her mind. Whilst on their honeymoon, Susie realized she had made a horrible mistake. Whilst she was out and about exploring and sight seeing, Peter refused to go. He found these activities to be boring, and preferred to remain at the bar, getting drunk and watching sports. He also behaved like he was still a single man, and Susie found him flirting with other women on numerous occasions. Susie felt lonely, and completely confused. The man she had married was not the same man she had fallen in love with.
Within weeks, it became very clear that Peter was not the man for Susie. Despite all the fears associated with leaving a relationship, not to mention the explanation that would need to follow to all the friends and family, Susie sat down with Peter and told him that she could no longer remain married to him. Surprisingly, Peter too felt the same way, and both decided to part on good terms.
Today we hear many stories like this. Many couples either rush into marriage, or marry someone they have been with for some time thinking that it is the next step in the relationship. Many people also fail to be honest with themselves, to ask themselves what it is they want in a long term partner, and what it is that will make them happy. Too often, we accommodate for the expectations placed upon us by others, and make extreme decisions which can result in disaster.
Marriage is not something that should be considered lightly. Being with someone for ten years does not mean you have to marry them. Some couples remain together for years before they realize that they are not suited, and then walk into another relationship and get married within six months. Marriage should be considered thoroughly, and individuals should be extremely selfish when making the decision to marry. Marriage should encompass comfort, trust, love and compassion. Any fears and feelings of apprehension should be addressed prior to making any decisions to marry.
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Planning Weddings January 28, 2009
Posted by Damon Taylor in Politics of Weddings, wedding planners.Tags: wedding planner, weddings
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Planning Weddings
Planning a wedding can be extremely rewarding, however there are the occasions which make me want to crawl beneath my desk and disappear. Being a wedding planner I have learnt to accept that most couples never actually discuss their wedding plans prior to seeking assistance from a wedding planner, rather wedding planners are perceived to be somewhat like psychic readers whereby we have the ability to look into the future and know exactly what couples want. Couples enter my office with over eager expressions, waiting for me to tell them what they want for their wedding. Autonomy and creativity literally escapes from the moment they enter.
Joe and Mary provided a great example of creative stagnancy(For privacy purposes, I have renamed the couples). I asked them to describe how they had envisaged their wedding. After looking at one another for exactly five minutes and thirty four seconds (yes I timed them), they set their gaze upon me and asked me what I thought would be a great idea. The thought that came through my head was not exactly appropriate for a wedding theme, however I did commend myself for my creative ability. Following that comment, the brainstorming session commenced, with me generating most of the storm.
Being totally in love and wanting to ensure that the other is completely happy, we embarked upon the ’you decide’ game. In a nutshell, this game is played by throwing your opponent off guard and giving them the opportunity to make the first move. Opponents are given countless options, and then have the taxing task of ’deciding’ what option is best. The looser (often this is the male opponent) is the one who makes the ’bad’ decisions, which then ultimately results in their ideas being overthrown and a whole new set of ideas developed. Following the development of ’new’ ideas, round two of ’you decide’ begins.
This game is entertaining to watch, however it is recommended that you don’t try it at home. Following a few rounds of ’you decide’, some decisions were finally made. Joe and Mary left my office with broad smiles, eager to commence the planning. I sat back, taking it all in before starting the phone calls.
To plan a wedding successfully, one must have great negotiation skills. Most business providers hear the word ’wedding’ and add an extra twenty percent to the price. To make matters worse, costs are usually increased when they know that a wedding planner is involved. Why? Business providers assume that couples who can afford to hire a wedding planner are wealthy, and thus can afford to pay large sums of money for their wedding. Additionally, business providers are also aware that wedding planners charge couples for their service, further increasing the price for the couple.
Whilst I enjoy planning weddings, negotiating and bargaining with businesses can be somewhat tiring. Right now, I needed to make phone calls to various churches. Joe and Mary requested a church wedding, with the works. Let the phoning begin.
Stay tuned for the next update…
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Rambo, Death and Family September 14, 2008
Posted by Damon Taylor in Politics of Weddings.Tags: death, family, rambo, veterans, weddings
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Rambo | Source Blog.ugo.com
Last night I saw the latest Rambo movie. It was more out of curiosity than anything. I’ll leave the critique to the experts but looking past the obvious, there were a few themes that stuck in my mind.
Firstly it reinforced the cruelty of war. Some would agree that such movies glorify war. For me, Rambo highlighted the senseless killing of the innocent and how life is cheap in some countries.Some of the gruesome scenes illustrated the agonizing waste of life.
Once again, Rambo showed how disconnected some war veterans are. These days our soldiers have access to counselors to assist them. Years ago, these kinds of support services didn’t exist. Soldiers were simply referred to as shell shock victims. Whether we agree or disagree with our governments over troop deployment, our troops need support and respect on their return. After all they are just doing their job in a world where military forces are still needed. The world still has a lot of growing up to do before we can live without the security of a military force.
In a strange way, Rambo illustrated a sense of family. During the movie, Rambo mentions his father which he hasn’t seem for quite some time. The last scene of the movie shows Rambo walking up his father’s driveway as the credits roll up. Whilst we never see the reunion with Rambo’s father, it made me realize the importance of family in everyone’s life… even Rambo’s. Obviously Rambo had his monosyllabic reasons for the distance between his father, yet it still made me wonder what the reasons were and how the conversation may have progressed.
Families are a complex dynamic. Applying the family thermometer to measure the health of one’s family can be a difficult task. There can be many factors which determine a healthy family unit. For some, forgiveness can be a challenge. It’s always useful to sit back and periodically reflect on our family unit and ask ourselves the hard questions. Am I trying hard enough to connect with my family? Is there anything more I can do? Should I throw out the olive branch once more?
If anything, Rambo made me reflect on my family. I called my dad and we had a long chat.
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Costello and Howard get Married September 11, 2008
Posted by Damon Taylor in Politics of Weddings.Tags: australia, australian politics, love, marriage, peter costello, Relationships, society, wedding, wedding dress, weddings
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Peter and John get Married | Image source: The Age
The dynamic duos are back in the news. Even post government, Howard and Costello can still brew up a storm in the media. Peter Costello’s memoirs will be published very soon and I’m sure there will be plenty of closed door politics spilling out for public consumption. Will it be a bruising Latham style book or a book of sweet little anecdotes with Peter complimenting John on the terrific work he was doing? Time will tell.
And what a story it will make. Imagine for a moment they were a married couple? Worse still, imagine that they were a married couple in a bitter public divorce. Paul McCartney might offer some tips on how to handle the media. But, the mind boggles at what the dinner conversations might be between John and Peter or the conversations in the kitchen whilst unpacking the dishwasher. Would their conversations be kind hearted full of affection for one another or would it be the constant power struggle to maintain the household supremacy? Would their cheque account require two signatures and would there be minutes recorded of every meeting around the kitchen table? And who would be the one to discipline the kids? Would John use his booming voice to intimidate then children and would Peter whisper words of comfort to the children that directly undermined John causing stand offs between everyone in the family home?
And how might those conversations be filtered in the context of a divorce? The “he said you said” finger pointing would be at an all time high and it be would a media circus. But how intriguing would it be?
You can even imagine John Howard and Peter Costello and planning their 1996 wedding. The issue of who was going to wear the wedding dress would be enough for an early divorce. John would want the strapless little number and Peter would want the one with the puffy sleeves. Peter would want the small tiara and John would want the biggest crown he could find to cover his hair loss. And the wedding speech would be who could be the centre of attention for the longest. The tension would build during the course of the night where Peter would show off his finance skills by out smarting waitress whilst John would talk about the Australian cricket team and how Shane Warne could bowl you around the legs. The power struggle would be very apparent even before the marriage was consummated. The commonwealth parliamentary car would pick them up after the reception and the tension would spill over in the back seat into a full on argument on how much respect was shown for one another in front of all the guests.
Even the most successful of marriages don’t always seem what they are. Communication is important. In the case of our dynamic duo, Peter communicated his Prime Ministerial intentions to the world. This was fueled by speculation of John’s retirement timetable which never came about. It was a volatile mix of a very public parliamentary marriage where there are several lessons learnt. The key message is don’t spill your marital issues into the public domain. Resolution then becomes infinitely harder. Confide in a close friend as a means to discuss the issue rather than hold it all in until self explosion. Talk it out, resolve it, live and learn form it. In the case of John and Peter, they’re still talking about it. Having never resolved the issue, I certainly hope they had a pre nuptial agreement. A tell all book could get a bit sticky.
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Olympic Games – Politically Unified August 27, 2008
Posted by Damon Taylor in Politics of Weddings, Resources.Tags: family, life, love, olympics, politics, religion, romance, society, sport, wedding, wedding dress, Wedding Dresses, weddings
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Olympic Motto: “The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not to win but to take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well”.
The Olympic Motto endeavors to promote unity and idealism in a world that is not so idealistic. For many nations, the Olympic Game is simply an event in which the struggles and triumphs are featured. For some countries, winning supersede the idealisms of unity and sportsmanship.
In addition to the motto, symbols are also utilised in an attempt to convey representations illustrating unity and collectivism. The five rings consisting of the colours white, red, blue, green, yellow and black represent a colour used in every nation’s national flag. The rings thus represent the unity of the five inhabited continents and the countries comprised within these continents.
Subsequent symbols such as the torch relay and the nation’s mascot are also used in order to encompass the ‘unified’ approach of the games. Whilst these symbols are widely used within the games, the proposed meanings affiliated with ‘unity’ fail to emerge. Rather than creating unity, the Olympic Games highlight the controversies and political agendas of the very nations that represent the Olympic ideals. Such political agendas can be signified by the 1936 Olympics in Berlin whereby the German Nazi Party employed the games as propaganda to illustrate the supremacy of the Aryan race and the facist political structure. Similarly, the Soviet Union refused to participate in the Olympic Games until 1952 and instead created their own games consisting of athletes who supported the Communist organisations.
In 1968, the so called ‘unity’ of the Olympic Games was highlighted when two American track and field athletes rewarded viewers with the Black Power salute after receiving their medals. In response to the unanimity of the athletes, the International Olympic Committee ordered the athletes home. Nations throughout the world have also embraced the Olympic ideals by successfully boycotting certain Olympic Games. The Melbourne Olympics in 1956 was the first Olympic game to be boycotted by Netherlands, Spain and Switzerland due to the repression of the Hungarian uprising by the Soviet Union. This became a unanimous approach when Cambodia, Egypt, Iraq and Lebanon also boycotted the same game due to the Suez Crisis.
In 1972 and 1976, further boycotts occurred from a number of African countries who had requested that the IOC ban South Africa, Rhodesia and New Zealand. When the IOC failed to concede, the African countries withdrew their athletes from the games, despite the fact that some of the athletes had already competed. Further boycotts occurred in 1980 whereby sixty-five nations refused to participate at the Moscow Olympics due to the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan.
Only just recently, the 2008 Olympic Games in Bejing encompassed a growing number of threats to boycott the games due to China’s poor human rights record and response to the recent issues in Tibet, Darfur and Taiwan.
Additionally, controversies have also emerged criticizing the International Olympic Committee as being autocratic and corrupt. In 1998, it became widely known that certain IOC members had taken bribes in exchange for votes to elect the upcoming host city. This resulted in four members resigning and six members terminated.
Whilst the Olympic Games have grown to include thousands of competitors participating in hundreds of events, it is becoming increasingly evident that the very ideals upheld by the ‘Olympics’, are failing to be represented by the participating nations. Whilst the Olympic motto provides an idealistic representation of the Olympics, it fails to represent the reality of the games.
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MARRIAGE AND CONTEMPORARY FAMILY August 14, 2008
Posted by Damon Taylor in Politics of Weddings.Tags: family, life, love, tradition, wedding, wedding dress, weddings
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Families are the most controversial social institutions (Gilding 1997). Each of us has connections to a ‘family’. We each have a biological mother and father, and most of us grow up within proximity of one or both of our parents. The idea of the family has connections that are embedded in our cultural, religious and linguistic history. When we speak of the ‘family’, we refer to relationships with what is familiar or well known to us within a household.
Historically, we are born into a culture whereby marriage is considered to be part of the ‘natural’ progression of life. We get married and become part of a ‘nuclear’ family, defined as consisting of two generations of biologically related people, typically a man and woman who marry, maintain a socially approved sexual relationship, and have one or more children (Murdock 1949).
Today however, the idea of the ‘family’ as a monolithic notion has been replaced with the assumption that the structure of families is fluid and changeable. Contemporary families are inclusive of single parent families, blended families, step-families and homosexual families to name a few. To define the concept of the family as consisting of one pattern of attributes leads to controversial discussions pertaining to the ideologies of marriage, divorce, sex and children. The family is no longer a concept that can be contemplated within an essentialist notion, rather the concept of the contemporary family has evolved into a fluid ideology that is constantly shifting and changing throughout society.
Since the 1960s, Australians have seen the concept of the family change rapidly to include gay couples, childless couples and de-facto families. Such changes have not only occurred due to the shifting trends, expectations and norms of society, but have also occurred as a result of wars, economic depressions, changes in the identify of women and the decline in birth rate. Such changes, subsequently led to changes in other concepts such as ‘marriage’.
Since the 1970s, Australians have been rethinking marriage and the ways in which the ‘family’ is managed. More people are delaying marriage or simply opting not to get married and more people are having fewer children. Additional to those who are still making the choice to get married; more people are also getting divorced whilst others are journeying through cycles of marriage, divorce and re-marriage.
While marriage continues to remain popular, more people are opting to remain in de-facto relationship prior to getting married, with many never actually making it down the aisle. Statistics indicate that in 1975 only 15% of people lived together prior to getting married and by the 1960s this had increased to over 60%. Further reports reveal that by 1998, two-thirds of Australians had accepted that de-facto relationships were an alternative rather than a prelude to marriage. These statistics continue to rise, with more people delaying marriage or simply accepting the ideology of the de-facto status to be inclusive of the definition of the ‘family’.
The concept of the family has changed to incorporate the changes that have occurred within society and the attached ideologies. Marriage is no longer considered to be an identity marker that sets precedent for one to be part of a family, rather it has become a formality that excrete other social markers affiliated with status, class and power. To be ‘married’ or to be part of a ‘married’ family indicates stability and normality. Thus, it is easy to see why so many people embark upon marriage in order to gain a sense of belonging, and to be deemed ‘normal’ only to later realise that the marriage is far from normal.
The changes we see within the idea of the family and the concept of marriage will continue to remain fluid and changeable. We live in a society whereby change is inevitable. Whilst the idea of the ‘nuclear’ family remains popular, it is important to understand that modern families are diverse. We will continue to see a variety of ways in which people work individually and collectively. Today’s family incorporates a variety of notions, all of which fit within the definition of the family.
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For Richer or Poorer – Wedding extravaganzas and the Media August 3, 2008
Posted by Damon Taylor in Politics of Weddings.Tags: bridal, brides, family, life, love, marriage, Relationships, romance, wedding, weddings
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Traditionally, weddings were considered to be religious rituals, symbolizing the love that existed between two people. Celebrations were trivial and symbolic representations constituted the presence of close family and friends, laughter, love and happiness.
Today, more couples are planning their own weddings or paying someone else to do it. Couples are ensuring that their wedding comprises of everything that they have envisaged and more, guaranteeing the extravaganza they desire, rather than being restricted by social tradition.
According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS), the average cost of a wedding is $28 000, and further trends indicate that men and women are choosing to get married later, thus it is more common to distinguish the all-expenses paid festivity. As you embark upon the wedding planning, the need to be financially aware becomes more apparent. The cost of the wedding dress, venue hire, transport hire, bouquets, cakes and honeymoon expenses all need to fit within the wedding budget, and in addition with the music, videographer and photographer. The more we think about our wedding, the more we want. The wedding industry has evolved into a mass-produced industry, surrounding us in endless supplies of dresses, cakes, cars, venues, decorator and much more. So why all the hype? What happened to our traditional ceremony followed by a small celebration in the family home?
We live in a society where mass advertising encourages mass consumption. Mass advertising glorifies lifestyles and images, encouraging the consumption of large quantities of goods. The ideologies surrounding the need to consume can be traced back to the twentieth century during the Fordism era, which inaugurated the need of mass production and mass consumption. As workers gained more security within their working conditions, and incomes increased, mass advertising promoted the consumption of goods being produced. Media advertising portrayed images affiliated with high status, power and ‘normality’ through the consumption of products.
Today, the modern media forms part of one of the elements of a modern capitalist market, operating as a business in a mass market where most people are consumers. The wedding industry has been embraced by this market, and the ability to increase wealth, business and the number of consumers is continually being nourished by mass media and advertising. Traditional weddings are a thing of the past, now couples perceive weddings to be a social event which represents success, power and status. Weddings have become ostentatious events whereby the parties involved adopts personas allied with the high status class. Diamonds sparkle, champagne classes clink and the shrill laughter of carefree individuals fill the room, however once the event ceases, all parties return to the ‘normality’ of life and the status temporarily acquired by the consumption of goods fades away.
Contemporary media advertising has emerged to allow consumers to interact with those distributing produce. Historically, previous forms of media advertising incorporated a one way process whereby consumers would receive information from suppliers. Whether it was through the use of print or audio visual advertising, images and information were distributed from suppliers to consumers without further interaction. Today, information technology allows for an interactive process whilst disseminating an equal capacity of information. Telecommunications such as faxes and mobile phones, the internet and optical fibre networks carrying large amounts of digital information allow couples to plan their wedding effectively and efficiently.
With the continual evolvement of information technology and mass advertising, it is easy to become immersed in the images and products. The wedding industry has evolved into an industry whereby business owners are continually incorporating innovative methods of advertising in order to convey images associated with high status, class and power; and couples are pressured to conform. Consumers access these advertising images for free, further increasing the threat of being consumed by mass production. Whilst having the perfect wedding day is desired, it is important to understand that the ideal wedding day is not compromised by eliminating the extras.
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